The Map That Made Me Cry

It was a simple map. A basic, chicken-scratch, mess of a sketch that had me on the verge of tears.

It made no sense!

All the lines swirling about, intersecting at various points and trailing off the edges of the board. It might as well have been a treasure map drawn by Bailey. Maybe then my mind could have made something of it. I've gotten pretty good at decoding her silliness. 

But no. This was a map of Jakarta. My home. 

This was my home and it didn't compute. 

Our lecturer was trying to make a point about how "we" use landmarks in Jakarta to navigate the roads because one can't depend on street signs or mapquest or gps. So he drew these swirly lines (supposedly the toll roads around town) and all around the room, people started calling out items to add to the map.

"Lippo campus is there!" 

"Right over there is the statue of such-and-such."

"And don't forget the big power lines!"

The what? Who? What's going on? 

All of a sudden I was overwhelmed with a feeling of lost-ness that sucked the air out of my lungs. I couldn't have spoken, even if I dared.

What's going on?

Where am I?

I've been in this country nearly two months and these landmarks that are supposed to orient me to this city are as nonsensical as the Mandarin work that Boston brought home a few weeks back. 

What does it mean when the very things that everyone uses to guide themselves from point A to point B mean nothing to you? How do I make sense of this? Where do I go, when I literally don't know anything that's not along the path from apartment, to school, to church?

And still...

Be still.

Be still and know.

Know that He is God.

And this is where He wants us. 

Because that feeling of being lost was a fleeting, momentary - even if overwhelming - flash that was immediately replaced by Him.

By His peace. 

His comfort. 

His sufficiency. 

And I will cling to Him when the swirly lines and nonsensical landmarks threaten to take His peace. 

When the taxi takes a different way home and I'm suddenly lost in my own neighborhood.

When I can't find my way to anywhere that isn't somewhere along the path between home and work.

He is good. He is God. And I am His.